Valentine's Day is Killing Me

Contemporary Romance
(Warm)
The heroine in MaryJanice Davidson's Cuffs and Coffee Breaks is a bit “bah humbug” about Valentine’s Day, in spite of her job as an artist for a greeting card company. As the story opens, Julie Kay is exchanging banter with Scott, a colleague she’s never met, a younger guy whose e-mails are overly redolent of text-message/chat room speak. In one of the most hilarious exchanges I have ever read, she profanely takes him to task for his informal grammar, gets a talking to from the nosy IT department, and tells the IT department to go f*** themselves. Scott asks Julie out for Valentine’s Day, and she reluctantly agrees. Who would have thought that the date would begin with a dead waiter and end with Scott in prison for homicide?

This story is, from start to finish, uproariously funny. It’s a short story, and most of it is really foreplay, with Julie and Scott bantering everywhere – even prison. The situation may be completely outlandish, but somehow Julie Kay and Scott aren’t. They talk like people I know (well, the more off-color people I know). The only complaint I have is that the story really was too short; I could have cheerfully read a whole book about these two. I’ve avoided Davidson in the past because I have no interest in vampire stories, but after reading this I plan to hunt down all her non-vampire stuff. Grade: B+

Contemporary Romance
(Hot)
In A “No Drama” Valentine’s, Jocelyn Jefferson has had it with men, so she invites her three closest friends to her apartment on the big night. She plans everything out to the smallest detail, ordering fancy foods, buying thoughtful gifts, and engaging a home spa service so all four of them can get pampered. Then one by one, her friends meet men at the last minute and stand her up. Rather than completely wallowing in depression, Jocelyn lets the spa ladies come and work on her. Things get a little out of hand when they all get drunk and invite friends over. Somehow two big-time drug dealers crash the party, and Jocelyn ends up in the police station. She’s drunk, wearing a bright red kimono (and little else), and under suspicion. Raymond, an extremely sexy cop, thinks that she might be the main dealer’s girlfriend. He soon decides that she’s innocent. And suddenly the formerly dateless Jocelyn suddenly has three men chasing after her. There’s the older professor she works for, Raymond’s friend Marcus (a hot but self-absorbed lawyer), and Raymond.

This story was the weakest link in the chain. Jocelyn and Raymond are basically nice people. You can’t help rooting for a couple of dateless hotties to get together. But the problems are twofold. First - and foremost - the story meanders all over the place, and tries to do too much within its short format. Then there is the matter of the characters’ speech. It’s written in dialect, and the sheer abundance of it is extremely distracting. At times I was completely pulled out of the story while I tried to figure out what the characters were saying, and why words like gurl and biziness couldn’t just be spelled the standard way. Grade: C-

Contemporary Romance
(Burning)
Valentine Survivor by Susanna Carr centers around Shanna Murphy, a hopeless romantic who is dead-set on making sure this Valentine’s Day is absolutely perfect. She’s even composed a list of all her expectations, and she’s well on her way to making them all a reality. She wants red roses, and she’s hinted broadly about them to her date. She’s going to the most romantic restaurants in town, and afterwards, she’s going to have terrific sex. The guy isn’t exactly the man of her dreams, but he’ll do. The man of her dreams is actually her ex-boyfriend Calder. They broke up because they couldn’t quite see eye to eye on things. He always seemed to be thinking about work, and never seemed to want to take the time to do the little romantic things that were so important to her. But deep in her heart, she keeps hoping that they’ll get back together. Calder is hoping the same thing, and he’s aided and abetted by Shanna’s twin sister Heather. But Shanna’s plans seem to be going nowhere. Her date stands her up, and the romantic restaurant is closed for health reasons. It’s all just as well, because all Shanna’s co-workers ditch her, and she’s left finishing a project for her horrible boss. When the boss ends up dead, Shanna could even be accused of murder.

Of all the stories, this one is best-suited for the short format. The action basically starts in the middle, and the backstory between Shanna and Calder is revealed deftly. We’re told enough so that we know what went on, but not so much that the story bogs down. Both main characters are likable and fun, and Shanna gains some insight into herself as her expectations come crashing down around her. If the boss and co-workers are a little over the top, well, it’s all in good fun. Grade: B

The grades average out to a B-, not a bad grade for an anthology. If you’re looking for a fun, diverting V-Day read, I’d encourage you to try it. At least two of the stories solidly deliver – more reliably than many hapless significant others.

-- Blythe Barnhill

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