True to my sanguine personality, I love to share my experiences and always hold out the hope that someone else will share equally so that we can make a party of it. If I’m excited about an upcoming trip or moved by a new-found musician or wowed by a recently released movie , I want to tell others. Within my circle of friends and family, I am very fortunate to have those who encourage my sharing of such things and give their own thoughts in return. However, when it comes to talking about the extremely moving historical romance book I finished last night or the impressive vampire romance series I’m reading or the hilarious romantic audio book that entertained me so thoroughly over the thump, thump, thump of my treadmill – well – there’s no family, friend, or neighbor with any interest whatsoever in the genre (as far as I know). So, I sometimes reflect on what fun it could be to have just one person close by who loves reading romance and enjoys talking about it.
For most of my life, I have freely shared my thoughts with others concerning the latest book I’d read and happily loaned out my treasured finds all while eagerly seeking out recommendations from others. But I now think of those years as my “pre-romance stage” which ended about eight years ago when I, quite frankly, became addicted to romance. With that new phase in my reading life came the inevitable loss of any discussion about books such as Penelope Williamson’s Keeper of the Dream or Rachel Gibson’s Tangled Up in You with those around me. Gone are the days when a book sitting on my den side table invited discussion such as Arthur Golden’s Memoirs of a Geisha or Tom Clancy’s Debt of Honor although I was able to spark a bit of interaction with Doris Kearns Goodwin’s Team of Rivals last year. It’s not so much that general fiction and non-fiction books are no longer a part of my life. I do occasionally read outside of the romance genre but not as much as I once did (due to issues with light) and I strongly prefer to spend my time reading a book I know I will love. Since I understand how to navigate the system to find romances to my liking, my odds of success in choosing a romance are probably 4 out of 5. Therefore it’s unlikely that any book, other than a romance, will now be found on my den side table.
Wishing for a close-by romance buddy for a bit of one-on-one discussion about our latest romance success or failure seems almost like a dream request. Fortunately since I discovered AAR with all its discussions, reviews, and varied features seven years ago, I don’t spend a lot of time missing the romance friend I’ve never had. But the fact remains, I love to talk about the books I’m reading and having a romance reading neighbor could be such a blast!
Lately I’ve found myself shyly looking around as I browse local bookstores to see who is searching the romance section with me. More than once I have wanted to say “I read that book” or “I wrote a review for AAR on that book in your hands – let me tell you about it.” I glance at the books they are buying but stay quiet and attempt to respect their privacy. But it encourages me all the same to know there are many other women in my hometown who love romance as I do. And since I think most attempt to hide the fact that they are romance readers, the real task I’m presented with is discovering just who of my current friends is already a romance fan.
Oh, the conversations I could have with my romance reading neighbor and the questions I could ask. What bookstores have the best romance selections and do their clerks treat you with respect? Do you know of any stores that put new releases out a little early on occasion? What is the best used book store for romance and where are the best prices? And last but not least – do you want to borrow this book when I finish reading it?
Being a part of AAR’s community is very fulfilling and I wouldn’t change that for the world But, oh, for the freedom to say to another as I head out for my neighborhood walk “Have you read…?” or “I’ve got a book you will just love!”
Now for your thoughts:
Do you have a friend who lives close-by to share your love of romance?
How did you discover your romance friend?
How do online romance communities fulfill your need to talk about romance?
-Lea Hensley
I live in the Netherlands and I have it even worse than you! We don’t have bookstores with a selection of romantic novels. Jou are lucky if they carry the latest Nora Roberts in the English section.
For many years it was only the online community where I could find kindred spirits. But then I became a member of an forum of Dutch romantic booklovers. One of the members lived my own city. We met, clicked and have been best friends since! We have similar tastes and like to talk about books over dinner at home or at a restaurant.
Lea, I know what you mean about wanting to talk to someone about books. None of my friends read romance novels. I too have wanted to strike up a conversation about a book while browsing in the romance section of a bookstore. I’ve even resorted to making my husband listen to me while I rave about a favorite book. He just looks at me with this blank stare and then says “I’m glad you liked it”. I check the AAR message board every day even though I very seldom post anything. I’m always interested in the suggestions and opinions of others. The town I live in is not that small so I know there is bound to be someone else with the same taste in books. I just don’t know how to find them. Any suggestions?
Have you considered talking with a librarian at a public library about starting a romance reading book club? If you get permission to use a room at the library, put some signs at bookstores and grocery stores and see what happens. Even if you don’t get a big group, you might make some connections.
The other day a woman browsing next to me in the romance section at Borders asked her friend “Who wrote that Kiss of a Demon King book?” They debated and finally I broke in and answered them. I didn’t want to look too eager, but I definitely know how it feels to want to have a romance-reading friend nearby!
What I wouldn’t give for a romance reading neighbor. No one in my family or circle of friends reads romance — at least, no one admits to it — so I went online and discovered AAR.
In the past I’ve been known to say to the reader browsing next to me in the bookstore, “That’s a great book!” Or, “If you like that author, you should try this one.” Unfortunately, more often than not the women look at me like I’ve accosted them in some way, murmur some polite remark, and run in the other direction. So I’ve stopped saying anything.
Instead I force my best friend to listen to me rant/rave about the book I’m reading, even though he couldn’t care less. He’s a good friend, though, so he just lets me get it all out.
And I may have discovered someone to induct into romances: my brother told me the other day that when he ran out of books to read he came across a Nora Roberts and read it. He loved it! It was one of her paranormal ones. I’m going to try to get him to read more.
I have two friends with whom I share romances with. They are two other moms I met in my sons school parking lot. I don’t know how we got started talking about it to be honest — I think probably I saw Karen reading a book I had read or she saw me reading one and then we pulled Kathy in and voila — here we are. I think it was location — I wouldn’t pull a romance out while at work but while waiting in a parking lot for my kid to get out of school? Absolutely. Now we actually plan our buying around each other — ie, I am responsible for the Shana Abe Dracon books and the MJD Betsy books. Karen buys the Sookie books. Kathy does the JR Ward books — really, we have shared so many over time it is hard to keep track. It is great to have someone to talk about Karen Moning with, to ask about their theories on Sookie, to watch Twilight with after having read all the books . . . .
My sister reads paranormal romance so she and I talk about that a lot too.
Still, AAR is a really important part of my life. It is how I FIND books (aside from the occasional browse) so I can share them with others. It is also how I find people to discuss books other than paranormals with.
I will say between AAR, my sister and my friend my reading habit is becoming a problem. I hate TBR piles but mine keeps growing. I have started to feel almost behind with my reading, like I am missing an assignment or am letting “work” pile up. But it is a great problem to have. I would much rather have too much to read than not enough.
maggie b.
maggie b.
I am fortunate to have such a friend. We meet on a semi-regular basis at the coffee shop in our local B&N and talk about our favorite books, shop together, and of course, trade those we’ve read. We more or less decide who is going to buy what and then share. We’ve also gotten better about asking our library to order some of our favorite authors, especially those who publish in hardcover. And it’s even more fun when we differ about a book as we try to convince each other as to why we loved or hated a particular book. And then there is a group of us who adore the Diana Gabaldon books and have not only shared the books but also the audio copies. We are waiting with baited breath for September and “An Echo in the Bone.”
The online communities – Suz B’s bb and BLMB (see Janet W’s post on AAR) helped a lot. Mostly b/c I was housebound than b/c I wanted to discuss romances.
Lately after numerous kerfuffles…. they don’t appeal as much as they once did. I still have some good friends that I email, other’s have come and gone (which is VERY difficult the first time or 2 it happens after all the time and energy you’ve invested in that friendship and all of a sudden… they’re gone). I lurk at times to see if there’s anything new to read… but…. I’m looking for more actually.
As you said… someone to physically have coffee with… not hope they’re online or to pretend they are online as you post a comment.
S.
Looking to see if this post will take.
I’m so glad I have my sister to talk romances with. Even though we both don’t have as much time to read as we once did, it’s so nice that we like the same books.
Thanks so much for sharing Lea because I definately relate to your blog. I am thankful for the boards here but it can be so fun to share face to face. I was wanting to share a phrase I saw in a new historical, I think it was Christne Merrill’s A Wicked Liason where someone mentions going extra innings and I was trying to figure out how this would be in the regency times (croquet?), it cracked me up and then in another historical I saw mention of a character having antennae like characteristics (very receptive). What did they know of antennaes then, maybe an insect antennae? So I was chuckling to myself, thinking how fun it would be to start a romance book club; but that would take time away that I could be reading LOL.
I like to read on my break and lunch at work. After enduring the usual “OMG that’s what you’re reading” for a little too long I insisted one of my coworkers read one of my books. It was “Dark Lover” by JR Ward. Long story short my entire collection is worn and dogeared beyond help now because everyone wants to get their hands on them. I’m like the local library! One positive has been that some of my coworkers have relocated from other countries and tell me how reading the books – and having to research unfamiliar words – has helped to improve their English. SO reading is really is great education at any age and for different reasons. And of course now I have other “old ladies” like myself to fantasize about all of the heroes with!
I’ve been reading romance for the last 15 years and up until recently I haven’t had anyone to share with. A few months ago my future sister-in-law came upon my massive book collection and while I was in the other room she picked up a book and to my suprise wanted to finish it. Since then I have loaned her most of my favorites and in the process rediscovered my own love for romance. It is really nice to talk about my favorite heroes and favorite lines with someone who liked them just as much as I did. The problem is she is new to the genre and I’m afraid to loan her a book that might be too much for her, like she isn’t ready for the more colorful books I sometimes like. She is almost through my stack of Julie Garwood, Lisa Kleypas and Hannah Howell so I may have to just let her start choosing on her own instead of filtering for her.
I don’t have any romance reading friends either. It’d be nice to have a reading buddy that I can discuss & chit-chat with about my fave authors & books. Anyone looking for a romance reading neighbor in Northern NJ? I like reading mostly european historicals. Send me a message at digitalkuri@aol.com
)
Put in a comment earlier in the day but it doesn’t seem to have taken . . .
At one point my next-door neighbor was working abroad, and the woman who housesat was a romance reader. It was great — we talked about our favorites and loaned books back and forth. Then my neighbor came back, the housesitter moved away, and that was that. I miss having someone nearby with whom I can converse face-to-face. Sandlynn and I sometimes meet at the library, particularly when they are having their book sales, but in general being a romance reader in northwest Washington DC is a lonely business.
I’m posting for Lea and others who have had trouble posting today. Read on…
From Lea:
Janet W and I have attempted to post numerous times today to the blog and failed. I am including her posts from the Let’s Talk forum (she posted her comments there when all else failed).
Janet W’s first post:
“My advice, btw:
http://members7.boardhost.com/bookreviews/index.html?1227190623 … check out this board: no author bashing and no fangrrrrrrrrrrrrl: good combo and good folks!
Go to an author signing and wear a sign: looking for fellow fan to chat books with! LOL but seriously, waiting in line can be a great way to meet a friend for life.”
Janet W’s second post:
I typed in a long, long comment — it disappeared! Then I wrote a shorter one: kapoolie with that one too Rolling EyesTrying hard not to think I must have transgressed some unwritten law LOL … altho if we’re on that subject, I do think that across the board, review grades are upping up a tad. Since I know Mary Balogh backwards and forwards I use the example of More Than a Mistress (A-) and Seducing an Angel (B+) … as much as I enjoyed SAA, I didn’t think it was good enough to bump up against More Than A Mistress. Plus the ending was so similar. Not that AAR isn’t great for walking its own special road … there are still Ds and Cs and I love that we speak up and say how we feel if we don’t agree. Rolling Eyes
So, making Real Life Friends to talk Romance with … in my immediate vicinity, I have exactly one: the marvelous voice behind Where’s My Hero — and we met on the Mary Balogh yahoo group and it’s been TOO long since we UBS crawled together! Laughing
Through the Suz Brockmann board I made friends for life. Really. Friends of the heart that I’ve visited and visit me and a gazillion friends, acquaintances and so on and so forth. They’ve scattered to the four winds but I still see them on Book Lovers and here and Dear Author and all over the place. Some of them, I’ll be seeing on the shelves of bookstores and isn’t that the most exciting thing in the world!!!
I repeat — go to places where authors and readers gather — initially online, eventually in the flesh, and you will find people to talk books with! I guarantee Smile… from a book signing line to a friend for life … I’m sure there are a million stories on this board alone of that happening.
Fingers crossed this doesn’t disappear!
Now for my post:
I know posting has been hampered somewhat today for more than Janet and me. There are numerous comments I have readied to post today in response to other posts so I’ll just summarize those into one post now!
First – what a great idea Janet W had. Standing in line at an author signing! I’m definitely going to watch for such opportunities.
Freya’s discovery of a forum of Dutch romance book lovers makes me wonder as I compare it to Amy’s wondering about such a group in Northern NJ. How can we find if there are local romance book groups already in your area (like, ahem, Oklahoma)?
It’s wonderful to hear from you all who have romance-reading buddies. It inspires me to keep looking.
I hope to check in with you later. But, if like Janet W. and me, you cannot post to this blog, Janet W. has started a similar thread on the Let’s Talk forum:
http://likesbooks.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=5515
I used to wish for a friend to talk romances with, too. Communities like AAR have definitely been my outlet for that. Though, recently one of my friends has been converted to romance. She has always been a hardcore sci-fi reader, so it started with sci-fi and paranormal romances. She’s starting to develop a real taste for historicals, though.
It’s good to have someone to talk books with. I still remember my grandparents reading together when I was little – and they were both romance readers.
So, how would you feel if another romance reader started a conversation with you over a book you were considering?
It happened to me a few years back and she was actually more enthusiastic about sharing than me (and I really liked the sharing). But then I slowly realized that all of her suggestions were romantica (good and bad) and she seemed to have no interest in anything else. We exchanged phone numbers but nothing came of it. I think she was disappointed in my recommendations as well because I had no romantica to recommend.
Dear Lea,
I think that a reading buddy is like any other friend, you must have some shared interests but some friends are better matches than others. For example, I discovered that I agree with most of your reviews so I usually take your suggestions. Of course, there is soooo much to find in Romance that I also like to take chances with other reviewers and discover authors I might have never thought of selecting.
Anyway, talking randomly to someone in a bookstore may lead to a great experience or a dud just like it happened to you, based entirely on chance.
My mom is a big romance reader and has been for as long as I can remember so we talk. The tables in my house now remind me of all the Harlequins and Kathleen Woodwiss novels that seemed to be scattered about in the house I grew up in. We recommend novels to each other and share every time we visit each other. She’s got arthritis in her hands so she can’t use the computer. I’ve told her about how I find so much information to find really good books on the internet (here) but its just not her thing and with her hands hurting…. I did introduce to her Lisa Kleypas books which I’m happy about. She asked me once to look on the computer to find out when the sequel to Passion by Lisa Valdez was being released and it kind of embarassed me to think we’d both read that. Agh!
I do wish I had a group of friends nearby however to chat with about books I love and have “can you believe this book?” conversations with.
In case you haven’t seen it, baseballmom started a thread on our Potpourri forum asking those of us who long for a romance-reading neighbor to share our hometown. It’s already received a number of great replies (all corners of the US are now covered and Canada has just checked in). You might want to check it out!
http://www.likesbooks.com/boards/viewtopic.php?t=5531&highlight=
My DIL reads romance and we exchange books quite a bit. She has been reading romance from a very young age, where I just started just 10 years ago. I did start her on historical romance. She was mostly just a Nora Roberts fan (still is….I’m not). I’ve introduced her to many historical writers…she loves Julia Quinn and Eloisa James now. I just gave her all the Elizabeth Hoyt books, so I am waiting to hear what she thinks of those books. Also, I introduced her Susan Donovan and Erin McCarthy…two of my favorite contemporary authors…a bit different from Nora Roberts. I also got her started on Emily Giffen. We have many a discussion on romance novels over a glass of wine.
Xina – I thought of you and your DIL as I wrote this article. Oh…the thought of discussing romances over a glass of wine!
Claudia – You are so right. There is so much variety in romance and finding someone by chance with my reading tastes, well, that would be uncommon the first time out. I’m interested to hear our reading tastes are similar. Do you, by any chance, have a shelf on Shelfari?
I highly recommend Shelfari to all romance readers. You place books on your own shelf with grades, comments, and such. Authorized friends access your shelf and you can find other readers with similar tastes. AAR has a Shelfari shelf as well which also provides you with a base of reeaders from which to request friendships. A number of AAR users provide their Shelfari bookshelf link in their signature line for posts. My shelf on Shelfari:
http://www.shelfari.com/o1518286562
my college roommate used to read romances too. We didn’t read the same romances (i’m more into historical, she’s more mixed-bag) but we had a lot of fun discussing romance conventions- like when one of us hits upon something annoying or really cute in a romance, the other would totally understand what she’s talking about. If I did this with a friend who doesn’t read romance, then I’m afraid she’d think i’m crazy or that the whole romance genre is a mess. But since graduation, i’ve been really relying on AAR to be my romance friend.
When I was working full-time I had several co-workers who were all “romance” book lovers and we would exchange books and comments.
I really enjoyed all the posts. I just got back into the romance books. I totally relate to people said that when buying or requesting some of the romance authors that you get treated differently I have a friend that reads ONLY murder mysteries, to be honest I got bored with them. Needed some spark in my life I just purchased Mary Jo Putney’s new book and it is really good so far. I also purchased Sookie’s Vampire books and JR Wards first two, am somewhat unsure about these because I couldn’t get through Twilight. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I would love to share!
Steph
I never heard about Shelfari! I will definitely check it out and try to set it up, Thanks
Lea, Yes, it’s a lot of fun. In fact, it is the one thing that sort of bonded us together. We can discuss books with such enjoyment, and throw in a glass of wine or 2 (or 3) and it’s a party. She reads much more than I do, and only romance (although she did whip through the Twilight series in 3 days) so she usually has several books on hand to give me. It’s a treat!
Wow, this couldn’t be more true. I’m an army officer stationed in Iraq and I cannot describe the looks I get from my husband when I start telling him about the latest book I’m reading. As an officer, I’m supposed to read things that are ‘professional development’. Like Black Hawk Down. But when I’m in the gym with a little bit of escaping fantasy, I’m dismissed for reading anything that deals with a little romance. It irritates me. While I AM reading Black Hawk Down, I’m also reading Sherry Thomas’s Not Quite a Husband. I refuse to hide the cover of either book or my enjoyment of them, either. I wish I had someone to talk to about the latest and greatest coming out from fav authors, but alas, I must limit myself to online chats and my blog.
Thanks for a great post!
Wow, I can’t believe that this topic has come up! I live in a small town in Australia and there is almost no access to a decent romance reading selection. I have come up with an idea for a romance book lending business rather than a romance book store in town as the cost of books here are so expensive. My husband would like me to try and do an online business but I have explained to him that my goal is to create greater access to books for women that read romance as well as a great community feel where women can come and select and read a book without that self-conscious/embarrassed feeling you usually get at a check out as well as a place that we can get together and enjoy. Romance reading is such like a secret society. I have taken the plunge in recent years and just say to any friends I like to read romance. Its amazing the number of people that have replied “really! me too!” Once the secret is out in the open there is nothing to fear:) My husband said “is there really that many people that read romance?” YES! As mentioned in other posts you always see women in the romance section (in my area desperately looking for something they want to read and not just what has been made availabe) and the few books in the library are alway checked out and reserved for ages! On top of that they sometimes only offer 1 or 2 books out of a series. I have resorted to online ordering and already loan most of my books out but I know that if given the opportunity the community in my area would only grow. So, I totally sympathise will all you ladies looking for a romance reading friend.
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