*Shakes head* Really? REALLY?

So… a parent takes care of a child – as they are REQUIRED to do by law and simple decency; really, why do parents expect MEDALS for this – so they get the right to pimp her out for a title?

Even the most loving, unselfish parent doesn’t have the “right” to expect a child to live the life THEY choose. Actually, the loving, unselfish parent WANTS the kid to be happy.

Frankly, this sounds like the tired old trope that Good Women will only do what makes Other People Happy – and thus find their happiness.

Sorry. Can’t buy that.

And I’m tired of Romance and Women’s Fiction books preaching the message – the only way to be happy is to give others what they want, forget your own life/desires/ambition/etc.

Lilly: Okay, Jean, Merida has to repay her parents and do her duty to society to be a heroine. Which of Merida’s three suitors would you have arranged to marry her to, sending her off to make what she can of the rest of her life with his family?

I would recommend she marry the one no one could understand. Then she would have a viable excuse for ignoring him.

Cora: It seems I’m the lone dissenting voice here, but I violently dislike arranged marriages and marriages of convenience. I cannot view arranged marriages (and in many cases, such marriages are not arranged but forced) as anything other than abuse. I definitely don’t find such plots romantic in any way.

Still, as a plot for a romance novel arranged marriages are about the least suitable trope I can imagine, because I immediately associate it with violence and abuse.

Cora, I understand not being able to get past certain associations. It’s unfortunate that these cases come to mind when you hear about arranged marriages because these honour killings are the extremes, perpetrated by extremists. And like you said, these are the ones we hear about because it occurs on Western soil, in Western countries, with Western values, where (female) independence and individual choice are highly valued.

But to play devil’s advocate, independence and choice aren’t devoid of their own issues. Abuse, murder, grief, and tragedy still exist when we marry for love. My good friend is Indian, and while her parents never forbade her to date she expects that they will arrange a marriage for her. I asked her why, and one of the reasons she said they gave was that it was safer. Yes, you still run the risk of abuse, rape, and tragedy – but when you actually know the family, have asked forty gazillion acquaintances, have heard all the gossip there is about him, and have practically had him investigated by Scotland Yard, well, at least you’ve made it as safe as you can for your child.

And I think that’s what it comes down to. For some cultures, families, and people – whether it’s modern Indian or 19th century sardine magnates – the probability of safety is worth far, far more than the chance of love or lure of freedom.

Hannah: So I guess I’m saying that strength comes in many forms, and every situation requires a different kind of strength.Sometimes patience and endurance are strengths, and sometimes they’re just excuses for passivity and fatalism.Often rebellion is just a form of selfishness, but sometimes it the only honorable option available.

Hannah, thank you so much for sharing your personal story, and for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing in what sounds like a crap situation. You expressed my thoughts exactly, though – so much is dependent on situation and individual personality that what is seen as a strength in one situation is an excuse in others.

I’d say, though, that this reinforces my assessment of Merida – yes, she has grown up. But the reason for her rebellion? Her original reason for not wanting to be married? Because she doesn’t want to. And in some cultures, the fact that she has two parents who love her; food and shelter; a position of social privilege; and yes, she has freedom, all things considered – all of these are things that, arguably, give her defiance an edge of selfishness, not of strength.

Hannah: This is an interesting perspective.I have not read Ravishing the Heiress, so I can’t really comment on that.However, your assertion that “endurance and patience require greater strength than outright rebellion” got me thinking.I’m separated from my husband, soon to be divorced.He told me last summer that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and that he planned to start seeing another woman, BUT he still wanted to stay married to me.I decided not to take him up on that offer, and I don’t think many people would fault me for leaving him under those circumstances.He didn’t love me, he didn’t plan to be faithful to me, so his marriage vows were worthless.I could have stayed and endured, but unlike the heroine of a romance, I wasn’t guaranteed a happy ending.Unlike Millie, my patience probably wouldn’t have paid off.My “rebellion” was the only thing that saved me.And believe me, it took a lot of strength to walk out on the man I loved.So I guess I’m saying that strength comes in many forms, and every situation requires a different kind of strength.Sometimes patience and endurance are strengths, and sometimes they’re just excuses for passivity and fatalism.Often rebellion is just a form of selfishness, but sometimes it the only honorable option available.I have seen Brave, and I think one of the major themes of the movie is what it really means for a young woman to be strong.Merida’s rebelliousness isn’t ultimately rewarded.It’s not because Merida defies her parents that she doesn’t get married.The reason she is still single at the end of the movie is, as you said, because she comes to an understanding with her mother and learns how to compromise.She goes from a rebellious child to a responsible adult over the course of the movie.So yes, I think she is a true heroine.