The issue for me is that I often don’t believe that the heroine has brought the hero to heel. Sometimes it’s because I can’t understand what he sees in her so don’t believe in the HEA (for example, Anne Stuart has a number of heroines who are too generic for me to understand why anyone would love them, much less have an alpha hero put his life on the line for her). Or I can’t quite buy into the hero’s epiphany and change of character in the last 10 pages of the book when he has spent the first 350 pages ordering the heroine around, telling her what to do and how to feel. I don’t think this has anything to do with PC, just whether I believe in the HEA for these two specific people. Some authors carry it off in some books, but (to me at least) many do not.

Jane AAR: Corinna, Sandy, xina– I understand your points regarding fiction vs. “real life” and characters doing things that “aren’t right” — but I’m not talking about general behavior.There is a wide range of things that characters do that I don’t think is “right” or that I personally don’t like, but I accept.If I condemned every hero or heroine for doing something I personally don’t approve of, I wouldn’t have many romance novels to read, would I?But the nature of romance novels is that they are about a relationship that has a happy ending.There is *nothing* romantic, happy, or loving about one character inappropriately pressuring their partner.If I wanted to read about this sort of thing, I’d turn to a general fiction book, not a romance novel.I do hold them on a slightly different standard than other books because they are unique in this regard.There is no Happily Ever After in a relationship based on unequal power and an inherent disregard for the other person’s wishes.I don’t think it’s a good idea to allow this sort of relationship to exist within the romance genre, given that there is a basic understanding that these books feature relationships that are, to a certain extent, idealized.

I think the key word in HEA is “After.” The journey to get to that HEA is not always happy and if it was I think I would be bored to tears in the first 50 pages. The romance genre does have the HEA, but it also has conflict. I think MOST marriages at the beginning go through power struggles. My husband was from a very conventional family in which gender roles were delineated. When I went to family get-togethers at his family’s house, the men would sit and talk after dinner while the women did the dishes. His sister even brought him coffee. That did NOT happen in my house growing up. I finally told him that he should help with the cleaning up and not expect the women to do all of the cooking beforehand and the cleaning up afterwards. The next time we got together, he just started cleaning with the rest and pretty soon SOME of the other guys did too. Now after 27 years of marriage, we just fall into helping each other without any discussion. However, we did not start out that way.

I think it is generally a bad idea to ever say something should not exist in a certain genre. It is a slippery slope from saying something within a genre should not exist to declaring that the entire genre should be done away with. I would never dictate to an author what they should write about or how to tell their story. It is THEIR story, not mine. There are enough choices out there in the literature market that people do not have to read what they dislike or are not interested in.

I admit romance is form of relaxation to me and I don’t want to edit or critique what I’ve read. Darn it I’ve spent too many years at University critiquing, dissecting and analysing everything so I hate to do it in my spare time.

I certainly be disappointed to see the bodice ripping or shirt ripping completely disappear for the sake of political correctness. Mind you, I get plenty of the shirt ripping during Eurovision so it’s not a complete loss but I’m digressing here. It’s such a sensitive topic because I see both points of view. Reading like most hobbies is a personal experience and I can’t tell anyone that it’s wrong to read some hot alpha male wanting his ‘way’ with the heroine. So I think it’s wonderful that we have such a wide variety of genres to satisfy every reader, even the critic.

Now all this talk of seduction reminds me I have some reading to do…

Men and women ARE different. I would have NEVER admitted that before I had a son, but it was obvious to me that he was different from his older sister right after he was born. I think sometimes we try to reinvent men in the image of women and that is not fair to them. I will never completely understand the humor involved with my husband and son “farting” in the car and then pushing the locks on the windows so we cannot let the smell out without dire threats from me. However, they will never get my daughters’ and my need to talk everything to death in terms of relationships.

On the other hand, I’ve never forgiven Julia Quinn for what Daphne did to Simon in _The Duke and I_, and I’ve DNFed a lot of historicals featuring young heroines obsessed with their brother’s best friend. I like that plotline in principle, but the execution (at least in historicals, not so much in contemporaries) tends to creep me out, because it feels stalkerish. Man or woman doing it, doesn’t make a difference.

When I read erotica, I don’t mind if there is dubious consent; I think for me “I am a character in erotica” counts as consent. But I have stricter standards in romance. I enjoy reading about sexual scenarios that play with control and power dynamics, I enjoy reading about kink; but I draw the line when an asymmetrical power dynamic extends to outside the bedroom, which to me includes choosing to participate in the relationship in the first place. I can’t find it romantic when one partner has been dragged kicking and screaming into the relationship. Reluctance, sure; I get that, I’ve been there, but there’s a difference between having reservations about a relationship due to your personal issues and really feeling like you don’t want it in the first place. If the author can’t convince me that the reluctant party does want it on some level – beyond the knee-jerk physical – then the romance will never work for me. I don’t need an idealisation, but I do need to be able to believe that both parties truly want the relationship. That’s basic.

Other people might find this romantic, and that’s fine. But I can’t.